Dedicated to the exploration of what it is that makes a person truly happy.
“I believe that the very purpose of our life
is to seek happiness.”
—
The Dalai Lama
The Secret Of Happiness
Happiness.
That elusive, mysterious state that we all feel such a longing for.
Yet, so often we do not know where and how to begin to get there. Why
do some people seem to be so effortlessly happy and content, while
others seem to have such a hard time finding and holding on to
happiness?
There
are many theories and much information about what makes people happy.
A simple internet search will yield thousands of results and tips on
how to achieve happiness. The general point of view seems to be that
happiness is a choice. Or rather, it starts with a choice, becomes a
practice and then turns into a state of mind.
One
only has to look at all the rich and famous, yet deeply unhappy
people out there to realise that happiness most certainly is not a
question of accumulating possessions, power or status.
True
happiness is rather THE ART OF APPRECIATING WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE.
A
healthy, able, functioning body, food and shelter, a family, friends,
talents, employment, opportunities and choices – all these things
are blessings which we tend to forget about as we often choose to
focus on that which we don't have.
Happiness According to the Dalai Lama
The
Dalai Lama wrote a great book on Happiness (along with psychologist
Howard C. Cutler in 1998).
Here
are three of the ways recommended by the Dalai Lama for cultivating
happiness:
Train Your Mind For Happiness
Make
a choice to focus on positive things such as love, compassion,
patience and generosity.
When
you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, being jealous of others
or fixating on what you don't have, or what you don't like in others
or yourself, try to shift your focus to positive things immediately.
Make
a habit of doing this every time, until you have trained your mind to
look at life from a positive point of view.
A
great way to speed up this process of training your mind, is by using
positive affirmations.
Positive
affirmations are short, positive statements used to “reprogram”
your mind and thought patterns.
Telling
yourself “I am happy, peaceful and grateful for my life and
everything in it” every morning is a great starting affirmation!
Shift Your Perspective
The
ability to shift our perspective is one of the most powerful and
effective tools we have to help us cope with life’s problems.
Difficult
situations are often opportunities for growth. Shifting our
perspective can make our problems seem smaller and more manageable.
So instead of focusing on the problem and how it negatively affects
us, we could rather shift our perspective by:
- Looking for opportunities which could arise from the situation.
- Taking a wider perspective – also known as “seeing the bigger picture”.
- Thinking of how things could be worse.
For
example, losing your job may seem like the end of the world, and
throw you into a blind panic or numbing depression. But it may also
lead you towards finding your dream job, starting your own successful
business or discovering strengths and talents you never knew you had.
Once
you have weathered the storm, looking back, you may have a new
appreciation for the security of employment, and more compassion
towards people who are unemployed, or unable to work due to
disability.
Cultivate Compassion
Several
studies have shown that helping others can calm the mind and result
in feelings of happiness.
In
a survey conducted with several thousand people who were regularly
involved in volunteer activities, over 90% of the volunteers reported
the following:
- A kind of “high” associated with the activity, characterized by a feeling of warmth, more energy, and a kind of euphoria.
- After
participating in the volunteer activity they had a distinct feeling
of calmness and enhanced self-worth.
Helping
other people, animals and charitable causes diverts our focus from
our own problems and perceived shortcomings, and shows us another
aspect of ourselves.
When
we help others from the heart, we are using an aspect of our being
which is inspiring, admirable, easy to love, accept and be proud of.
In
helping and loving others, we are also learning to help and love
ourselves more, which is a great recipe for happiness!
“The
Art of Happiness – A Handbook for Living” is a book written by
psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler based on a series of interviews which
he held with the Dalai Lama, and augmented by some of the Dalai
Lama’s public talks. It contains tips and advice from the Dalai
Lama on how to be happy.
THE
SECRET OF HAPPINESS
In
another great book on happiness called “The World Book Of
Happiness”, author Leo Bormans has drawn together the research and
discoveries of the world’s leading experts on the psychology of
happiness.
Researchers
have questioned thousands of people and what he has discovered is as
surprising as it is inspiring.
Using
Leo's book as reference, Linda Kelsey of the UK's Daily Mail
newspaper, wrote an article called THE 12 SECRETS OF BEING HAPPY.
Below
is an excerpt from the article, which you can read in full here:
THE 12 SECRETS OF BEING HAPPY
1.
ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE
Research
shows that happy people have modest levels of expectation and
aspirations — they want what they can get — while unhappy people
never seem to get what they want. They also know how to avoid
disappointments and how to generate pleasant surprises. This is
because they strive for realistic goals and are happy with their lot.
As Dr Jose de Jesus Garcia Vega, of the University of Monterrey,
Mexico, confirms, we must accept things as they come.
‘We
spend a lot of time complaining about the things that happen to us,
but this is a waste of time and effort,’ he says. ‘To be happy,
we need to enjoy what we have.’
2.
ENJOY WHAT YOU DO
Happy
people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do — and don’t do
it for the money or glory. There’s no point being stuck in a
job you hate, surrounded by unfriendly colleagues just because the
money is good — people forget that they are allowed to be happy at
work, too. Many spend the best years of their lives trying to make
money, sacrificing their health and family in the process, says Dr
Garcia Vega. Later, they spend the same money they made working
trying to recover their lost health and estranged family.
3.
LIVE FOR TODAY
Don’t
dwell on the past, on things that went wrong or previous failures.
Similarly, don’t dream about an idealised future that doesn’t
exist or worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Happy people live
for the now; they have positive mind sets. If you can’t be happy
today, what makes you think tomorrow will be different?
4.
CHOOSE HAPPINESS
Don’t
be afraid to step back and re-evaluate your goals. Imagine your life
as a story that you can edit and revise as you go along. This
kind of flexible approach requires positive thinking and an open mind
— you need to actively choose to be happy.
5.
RELATIONSHIPS
We
get our happiness from other people, and from supporting other
people. Remember that just as other people can make us happy, we are
all ‘other people’ to someone else. And cherish people who are
important to you. Research also shows that married people are happier
than single people.
6.
STAY BUSY
If
you want to be happier, develop an outgoing, social personality —
accept that drinks invitation, join the walking club, book group or
choir. The best way to savour pleasure is in the company of others.
Build a rich social life, says Eunkook M. Suh, a psychology professor
at Yonsei University in Seoul, not as an obligation, but because it
is rewarding, meaningful and fun.
Active,
busy, social people are the healthiest and happiest, in society. Get
involved: make your motto ‘use it or lose it.’
7. DON'T COMPARE
Ambition
is healthy and makes people happy, explains Claudia Senik, a
professor at the University of Paris-Sorbonne, but envy
makes them unhappy. Yet comparisons with others can spoil the
benefits of ambition and are only useful if you learn something from
them. Focus on your goals and dreams so you can enjoy
your ambition and achievements.
8.
BE YOURSELF
Just
as you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, it’s important not
to worry about what others think about you — then you can truly be
yourself.
Happy people are spontaneous, natural and real; they say what they think and feel, and aren’t concerned what others think of them. Being oneself makes one feel free and authentic.
9.
STOP WORRYING
Don’t
take yourself too seriously. Happy people don’t worry and
they recognise that 90 per cent of worries never come true.
10.
GET ORGANISED
You
might envy those laid-back bohemian types who just do things on the
spur of the moment, but don’t be fooled. Happy people plan and
organise, they have goals and a purpose. You can only get what you
want or desire if you know what it is you want or desire in the first
place. So while those chilled-out friends might seem happy, they’re
actually just drifting along.
11.
THINK POSITIVE
Bottling
up emotions and bad feelings creates psychological distress and
physical discomfort. Happy people get things off their chest, their
motto is: get rid of it, or it will get rid of you. Similarly, work
at developing optimistic thinking; happy people always look on the
bright side.
Successful
athletes know to focus on winning, not losing, explains Miriam
Akhtar, one of the first positive psychologists in the UK. We need to
switch from a negative, glass-half-empty outlook to a glass-half-full
and put optimism into practice to be happiest. Optimism is the mind’s
natural self-defence mechanism against depression.
12.
VALUE HAPPINESS
Happiness
can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what
leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate
and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to
their years.
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